. . . ولا أخشى الحُبّ مادُمت أنتَ . . مَحبُوبي 

لطالما آمنت بأن الموسيقى أصدق وأنبل من الكلمات فهي لا تعرف الإبتذال أو الإلتواء أو التّملُّق والخِداع . . فـ غالبية

البشر يختبئون وراء سِتار من كلمات جوفاء لا تُعكس جوهر حقيقتهم بأي صورة من الصور . . ولإنني لستُ ممن 

يجيدون التعبير عما بداخلهم وأجد صعوبة في إظهار عواطفي . . أجد في الموسيقى عزائي

ليت الرجُل يُدرك أنه حينما يتطاول لفظاً أو فعلاً على إمرأة ما - أياً كانت العلاقة أو درجة القرابة التي تربُطه بها . . أي إن كانت أُمه، أُخته، حبيبته، صديقته، جارته، مواطنة تعبُر الشارع . . سيدة تستقل المواصلات - أن هذا الفعل يخلع عنهُ ثوب الرجولة ويساويه بمنزلة الذُباب . .

كُن على يقين أن . . 

كيفية معاملتك للمرأة هو أصدق إنعكاس لجوهر رجولتك.

الوطن؟
 ًهو الإنتماء للمكان، الأهل، الذكريات، أُلفة الوجوه . . هو ألا تكون غريباً أبدا

فسألته: وما هو الحُب إذن؟ -
  أجابها: الحُب هو أن أسكُن في عينيكِ، فأرى أجمل إنعكاسٌ لي فيهما. وأن تحتلين أنتِ  وحدك عرش قلبي فـيأبى أن ينبضُ إلا لَكيِ . . . إلا بكِ 

"You can be hard, Ellen and you can be very judgmental.
And with those two things alone you're gonna make such a mess out of your life.
If I knew that you would be happy, I would close my eyes now. I would. 
It's so much easier to be happy, My love. 
It's so much easier to choose to love the things you have. 
And you have so much . . .  instead of always yearning for what you're missing . . .
or what it is that you're imagining you're missing. 
It is so much more peaceful."

♥

 .ثم نظر إليها وقال بنبرة حاسمة: بل أنتي وطني

 لا شيء يُضاهي عدالة السماء

 الخُبثاء وأصحاب النفوس المُضْطَربة فقط، هم من ينتشون بأحزان وأوجاع غيرهم وقت شدائدهم . . أمرٌ بديهيّ 

ألا تُقدم على فعل معصية ما مخافة خذْلان الله لأنك تحبّه . . أقرّبُ إليّ من إمتناعك عن فعل ذنبٌ ما مخافة عذاب الله
ففي الأولى أنتَ تُحبّ الله وتخشى خِذْلانه، وفي الثانية خوفك من عذاب الله -سبحانه وتعالى- طغى على حُبّك له، فيصبح إمتناعك عن المعصية مقروناً بوجود العقاب . . بوجوده تمتنع وبغيابه تُقدم على المعاصي كأن شيئاً لم يكُن

وعلى هذا الأساس يبدأ البعض في تناول الدين من زاوية حسابية بحتة لا تفسح مجالاً للتأمّل . . فلا تصل إليهم روح الإيمان ومن ثم يصير تديّنُهم
-في أغلب الأحيان- أجوفٌ . . قاسيٌ . . آليٌّ . . لا يعرف المحَبّةِ أو الرحمة

صحيحٌ أن أغلب آيات القرآن الكريم تميل إلى الترهيب عن الترغيب، وصحيحٌ أنني أؤمن بضرورة وجود العقاب - للردع قبل أي شيء آخر ولأن البشرُ ليسوا ملائكة فـ بعضهم في ظل غياب الضوابط والعقاب يتوّحش ومن ثم تختلُ الحياة- إلا أني حريصةٌ كل الحرصِ على تلك
الصورة التي رسمتها لله -سبحانه وتعالى- في مخيلتي منذُ الصغر ولا أريدُها أن تتغير أبداً

فهو الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ الغَفُورُ الْوَدُودُ الكريم
إنّ الله محبة ومن لم يصل لجوهر المحبّةِ لم يصل إلى الله

وحينما يحين الوقت ونقف جميعاً أمام الله -سبحانه وتعالى-، لا أعلم بماذا سيبرّروا له هؤلاء القوم كل تلك الصراعات والحروب التي خاضوها بإسمه؟

".‎لو أدركوا البشر جمال الإيمان وفضل التقرُّب إلى الله، لما إبتعدوا عنه أبداً‎"

♥

BLISS♥

♥

وما الإصلاح إلا إصلاح تشريعي، وما الإستقلال إلا إستقلال إقتصادي، وما الحُرّية إلا حُرّية الفكر والرأي 

عن الفنّ

إن الــفَـــنّ خـــيـــر مُـــربِّـــي للشـــعــــوب

مصر الحبيبة

مـصـر هي الحب اللا مشروط، عاملة زي الحبيبة اللي بتقتحم القلب وتسكنه وتتربع على عرشه بمنتهى السلاسة فلا تعرف تكرهها ولا تقدر تحِب عليها. 

:)

الشعب

♥

وأنا كنت موصي لا تحملنى إلا كتوف إخوان أكلوا على خوان وما بينهمش خيانة .. ولاخوّان .. وإلا نعشى ما حينفدشِ من الباب

..

ما أجمل نومة على كتوف أصحابك تنظر صادقك من كدابك .. تبحث عن صاحب أنبل وش في الزمن الغِش

..

إنتوا الخوّنة .. حتى لو خاني ظني .. خد مفاتيح سجنك وياك ..

وإتركلي وطني

وطني غير وطنك

هي؟

.هي تمتلك روحاً تُشبه البحر . . بها من البراح ما يجعلها سرْمَديّة . . قادرة على إحتواء أي شيء

الخيانة

لإن الخيانة المُستمرة .. تَجُبّ .. هي تبتلع الحُب كُله وتُشوّهه .. فيصبح شيئاً مهترئاً متهالك لا يقوى حتى على ترتيق أو ترميم نفسه.

The unconditional love

And I've realized that the unconditional love you get from a dog is worth much more than the love you may get from a human being.

عن الفُرص

.هو لن يُدرك فداحة ما فعله بها وعواقب إهماله وصمته .. إلا حينما يراها سعيدة مع شخص أخر غيره

سنرجع يوماً؟ :)

..

♥

ما تعكسه الطيور ف البشر

الطيور على أشكالها تقع .. كلٌ مع من يشبهُه وينتمي إليه

هو♥

يسألونني من هو؟  فأُجيب .. "هو:" .. أصغر أبنائي وأحببهم إلي وأصعب أحلامي إدراكاً .. هو أنا في أجمل حالاتي .. هو قطعةٌ مني .. أتعلمون؟
إني في بعض الأحيان أُشعر أنه بشكلِ ما إنعكاسي .. وأني إنعكاسه .. فهل يستطيع أحداً في يوماً ما أن يستغنى أو يحيا بدون إنعكاسٍ له؟
يربُطنا شئ غريب .. شئ لا يفهمه بشر ولا يستطيع تفسيره المُنجمّون .. ما بيننا شئ .. مُقدر على الأرجح، شئ أكبر منا .. حتى نحن لا نفهمه ..  لذلك لا أخشى علينا من متاعب الزمن أو مفاجئات الحياة ثقيلة الظل أو ما قد يفرضه علينا القدر في يوماً ما .. لأني أشعر .. لا بل أُؤمن أن ما بيينا شئ أكبر من ذلك العالم كله..  ..

لذلك مهما إبتعدنا و تفارقنا لأي سبب .. أعلم أن الحب سيجمعنا مرةٌ أخرى .. الحب يختار أحبابه؟ .. صحيح :) 

لذا إذا قرر هو أن يرحل يوماً ما .. أو رحلتُ انا .. سيأبى الحب أن يرحل .. وسيبقينا معاً .. ويصون كلٌ منا للأخر 

ألازلتوا تتَسَاءَلُون؟ 
♥ حبيبي .. هو

♥.

♥

..

إني لست عاجزة عن أذيَّة  من يجرحوني .. ولكنني اُؤمن بمحاربة الكُره وتلك الضغائن المريضة المُستَقرة في نفوس تلك النوعية من البشرعن طريقين: إما الحب أو التجاهل التام .. وذلك يقتلهم لأنهم مرضى بالأساس

الدنيا زي المُرجيحة أيام تحت .. ولحظات فوق

..

♥

الأبطال هم الأحياء بيننا

 

محمد بوعزيزي

خالد سعيد

مينا دانيال

البُكاء"

البكاء ليس ضعفاً إنما هو دليل قطعي على انك لازلت إنسان حيٌّ يرزق .. يشعُر ويبكي ويئِن عندما يُجرح

صُدفة؟ :)

في ناس بالصدفة البحتة بتتكعبل فيك وناس تانية إنت بتتكعبل فيهم .. وبيكونوا هما الطريق اللي إنت حلمت وإنتظرت كتير إنك تمشيه

Journey into depths of the soul ♥

- She was headin' slowly towards her favourite cozy corner at the end of the room, the weather was gentle on that day; she walked into her purplish room- she has always believed that purple brings back childhood memories; she felt certain that purple does keep people young; a light breeze was blowin'; a gentle one tickled her face. Her creamy dress & her black hair were swayin' with the movement of the air ..;
She breathed deeply drawin' in the fresh air; starrin' in bewilderment; she leaned down & sat in her favourite cozy corner under the window .. She was sittin' where the rays of the sun comin' through the window; reflected their golden color on her shiny black hair & her rosy cheeks ..



- She was thinkin' deeply; many things goin' on her mind & even more things goin' on inside her ..
She was longin' for that thing that she has always been missin'; the thing that she couldn't even know what actually it was; however, there was always that missin' thingie that prevented her to feel complete..
- She always had her simple dreams that she kept for herself. She loved life & it's challenges & was very satisfied with whatever it may bring; She was very spontaneous to treat life as a chemical equation  & was so stubborn to go back on somethin' she had already made a decision about; she stick to her decisions like glue  ..
She has always believed that life is truly simple if people were ready to see it that way & thought that people are the most complicated part of life, it may have been much more easier if it had been without them, but would it have been the same?! She knew that life ain't ideal too & it's always surprisin '.. - She was thinkin' & thinkin' ..  admirin' the movements of the golden silky curtains & how the air pulls them back & forth &  how they were surrenderin' to it's force ; they didn't fight it back .. they were too helpless allowin' the air to move them in any direction he desired, maybe they were enjoyin' to be led or maybe they couldn't resist it .. what a power the air has! 

Many thoughts were goin' on her mind that kept interruptin' her every second whisperin': "what if the whole thing turned out to be wrong?"  but the funny thing that; she didn't even mind not knowin' what she was headin'  for or getting' hurt or even bein' wrong ..; she was enjoyin' those new sincere feelings so much that she wasn't even bothered about such fears, still the battles between her mind & her heart were takin' place; she has always believed that fate & coincidences play the greatest role in life. - The first time she saw him was in a friend gathering, she was impressed by his few confident words that ended the whole topic- they had been discussin for like an hour- in just 2 min.s, she concluded that he talks little & prefers to listen more. For her it was so obvious that he was too stubborn, very smart, proud, sharp & yes shy somehow Lol!, Concernin' his look nothin' was special bout it, he was in his mid- twenties, short dark brown hair, dark eyes, medium height. He had that beautiful shy childish smile that never left his face though his facial expressions were very serious . She believed that behind that serious look  & that shy smile there's a child lyin over there & a very kind person maybe even a romantic one who is waitin to truly love & be loved back. They have met many times later after that gatherin, they exchanged phone no.s but she never .. .. & he actually never .. .. .. 



She only saw him few times yet whenever she was away from him she felt that there was somethin' wrong .. While she was sinkin' into her thoughts & doubts, she heard a loud voice comin' from a place that's not so far ..; yet the words weren't clear; it seemed like a serious discussion, she concentrated more tryin' to figure out where the voices were comin' from; she heard her name bein' called!; ..  the voices were comin' .. from .. from .. inside her .. words are clear now;

Mind:  Ohh, Dear! C'mon This is an absolute illusion. What are the use of those abstract feelings? You will end up getting' hurt & grieve for nothing & you may regret it later on; this is a waste of time. Let me decide for you please.

Heart:  Don't listen to this stubborn creature!. He is so wrong; never let him decide when it comes to me. Your heart is the only thing that belongs to you; here is where the truth lies, you don't have to hide your feelings; you can't ignore them either, Can you? Don't fight love back & never take it for granted. Never let him tell you; you can't be in love.

Mind: Oh, evil me. So now I'm the one who's breakin' "the lady's hearts", aren't I?
Dear, dreamy Ma'm, Stop makin' her live in such fantasy, If she followed me she will never get hurt & success will always be her only alley she will have no one to cry for besides, tell me what love has done so far till now?
  
Heart:  What the hell is occypyin' your thoughts?! I'm sure she will find her way; one is never Reluctant when he is in love. & What has it done? .. Love never leaves us empty handed, we never lose when we are in love & the gaining's of bein' in love can never be calculated. It's the most precious valuable thing yet the most priceless. Besides; happiness lies in the journey itself. It's not a game that she has to win.

Mind: (quite surprised) Ma'm such tricks won't work on me .. (Sarcastically sayin') As if  love is the one who built this whole world, built those nations & went through wars? Stop bein' ridiculous & naïve.

Heart: You never learn anything worth knowing. Do you? Love can make up for a lot & Well, maybe it didn't build those buildings in personal but it participated in bulidin' this life by bein' a motive to build to fight to defend even to live. It gives you a reason to live & makes this journey worth it. Worshipin' is a kind of love, passion is a kind of love, carin' is a kind of love. Do you really think life would have been the same without it?..

Mind: (bein' so persistent & stubborn to admit it) one more time, your sweet fancy dreams .. Words are easy; but they don't make dreams come true! Do they? .. Be realistic, 'Heart'. You will be the reason for her pain & all of this for the sake of a fantasy that will never last. I know what's good for her.

Heart: Why are you bein' so persistent? I smell bitterness in your words & how do you know what's good for her Mr. all known? She is like havin' it all yet havin' nothin' .. & C'mon without me, no one would have existed. Adam & Eve loved each other & here we are. Do you think I beat only for pumpin' blood all over the body? If I hadn't been there; good wouldn't have existed, patience, sincerity, loyalty, kindness & peace too. I'm the tears, I'm the joy, I'm the dreams that you work hard to put them into reality .. Everythin' good lies within me. .. I'm here for good &  I'm not responsible for fate's actions & picks, however one doesn't get everythin', one shouldn't get everythin & doesn't have to get everythin' Pain & loss are a normal tax that we all have to pay as long as we are livin', You can never avoid them through a special tactic or even prevent them to occur, Can you? what are you protectin' her from? Happiness? I'm not really sure if you are refusin' the idea of love or refusin him in particular


Mind: (statured) I'm just bein' realistic. Anythin' that may hurt her isn't good for her ..
I put things into reality, but you are the sweet fantasy that achieves nothin', aren't you?
& I'm refusing pain as well, if pain is to come then we shouldn't hurry it by rushin' into love.

Heart: Rushin' into love won't put you through pain. It revives what can be dyin' inside you it's like grantin' you an extra life .. Besides love is  never that demandin'
Maybe we all weren't meant to be rich or to be special, but bein' in love makes you rich, makes you special.
It changes everythin', doesn't it? What if you let love pass her by, Wouldn't that be a great loss? Do you guarantee her a better future than bein' with whom she loves?

Mind: (he remained silent, then replied ) ... You are destroyin' the real barrier between reality & fantasy.
let her suffer then & live in doubts & a great fantasy & future that exists Only In Her Mind; she will lose herself eventually. Tell me, Weren't you the reason for getting her hurt before. (proudly  sayin) Thanks to you, now she listens to me. Don't throw her into hell by promising her of what you can't afford. I don't want her to be a part of game "I love you then suddenly goodbye". I don't want her to be forsaken & lost.


Heart: You know what! I'm stupid why am I even convincing you with somethin' you don't even believe in!
You will never change. You fears will never let you move an inch from your place. You are the reason  for her confusion. Set her free. Set yourself free from those imaginary restrictions. This is a very heavy load for her to caryy
Buildin' a wall between her & whom she loves won't protect her from pain & loss & abandon; the only thing that will abandon her is love & happiness themselves. Bein' always afraid to get hurt is way worse than bein in a real pain itself. Why am I even convicin' someone he's too arrogant to admit the truth!


Mind: (He was surprised then replied) .. Me?..  No, no ..  I'm not, why would I be?.. I'm tryin' to be realistic. (lowerin his voice) .. Not everyone can afford bein' that dreamy, Heart .. Not everyone can afford love.

Heart: But you can afford loneliness, can't  you?

Mind: ( realizin' that his words were tough, he didn't want to hurt her; he doesn't have the heart to, cuz  ..  .. replyin in a serious gentle tone) .. I don't want to lose you.

Heart: (surprised) .. &  how would you lose me?

Mind: We both know that when love takes over, it prevails .. it weakens me  & every action or decision becomes yours to make. I lose some of powers  .. I'm not fearin' this for sure. What I truly do fear that this love may break you & if that happened you will fade away & I'll be too helpless to do anythin' to stop that. The body will remain, I will remain but you are her soul ..  I can't .. I can't afford your loss. .. you know if I let her do this what would I be riskin with? 


Heart: (smilin' deeply as if she found her way after a long seek; then replied) .. This is my role in life 'Mind'. I don't give up on the people that I'm responsible for. (her eyes started to be clouded with happy tears ) I was made to give even when I'm deprived of everythin'. I was made to sacrifice & soon I will recover & be okay. Yea it may take a year or two  but I will be okay eventually.


Mind: (realizin' what she was  tryin' to do .. ) Do you think this is funny? .. You are irreplaceable.

Heart: Am I ? wasn't your fav. word :  "Time walks on everythin' " ..  maybe by time you will forget me.

Mind:
No. not if you are that true. Not if you are a fact. Time never walks on facts. Does it?
( rememorizin' her words & reconsiderin 'em askin' himself  "what the hell am I waitin' for?"  then without hesitatin .. 'Heart' .. I .. I love you.


Heart: ( how long she has waited to hear this world)  .. she replied .. with a fake  mean tone .. STUPID!

Mind: Yea, I know .. Love makes a fool out of  you. Doesn't it? I didn't want to ask the question cuz I knew that it would ruin my life. See what was I tryin' to protect her from.

Heart: "Stupid" I just thought you would never say it.


Mind: ( not knowin if she's playin him for a fool with her childish tricks or bein' serious  not sure of her answer still he was over the moon .. ) replyin'.. I was afraid that I might not be good enough for you. You are too good for anyone.  (smilin'& in sarcastic tone) Rejection wouldn't have been that easy though. I was afraid of losin' you 'Heart' ..

Heart: (smilin' .. ) ..

Mind: So .. is this an approval or .. you ..?  do you lo?  .. Do you feel like sayin somethin'? Heart: (smilin' tryin to be mean) I think I'll have to ask my mind first. He always know the shortest way to anythin' & I'm sure he'll know how to save me from hurt, pain, volcanoes erruptions ..  you know .., won't he?

Mind: (Happy & relieved as never before, realizin' how beautiful childish she is .. couldn't even say a word askin himself
how can I amend her for all that wasted time? )

Heart: (in a proud tone) I've always thought that we complete each other, don't we?


Mind: Of course We do. Then sayin' in a very high steady joyful tone:


"Listen to your heart, follow her. She will lead you to happiness, Just keep in mind that I'm there if you ever need me"

..


- "The endless fights between heart & mind; however sometimes fights can be a deep indication for a great love .. "  that's what she said to herself  .. .. - Suddenly her phone rang. She woke up found herself lyin' in the same place & the same position she took. She checked the phone .. It's him .. .. It's him. She picked it up  ..  

She:  Hey ..
He:  (silent for moments) then in a very deep true tone without hesitation " I .. I love you".
She was lost for words but he must have felt her approval in her tone

They talked & talked, silence was takin' place though -  as when people are too in love they are always lost for words,  the greatness they feel in love can never be put into words .. for great the love is words feel helpless to describe it .. words kill love -  they hanged up ..

- She kept askin' herself if those fights & that considerable discussion she was listenin' to few hours ago .. was true or not ..  telling herself sarcastically that love might granted her a special gift or something, if she could listen to her heart &  her mind talks, who knows maybe she will be able to talk with the wind or the curtains someday Lol .. ..



Date: 30/03/2011.

هلاوس ..

الله 

 الله = أنت لست وحدك-

 الإيمان هو الشئ الوحيد الذي يملئ القلب و لا يفرغه ابداً-

 إذا أردت أن تَحلم فعليك أن تؤمن و إذا أردت أن تؤمن فعليك أن تتأمل و إذا أردت أن تتأمل فعليك أن تُرجع لفطرتَك-

♥ الدنيا .. غرورة و كدابة

 .الدُنيا = دايرة مفرغة بندور فيها-

!المِحَن = هي وسيلة الدنيا لإعلامك أنك مُميز-

 .الألم و الخُسارة ما هما إلا ضريبة الحياة الحتمية-

 .خُلقنا لنموت لا لنحيا و ما بين الميلاد و الموت تكمُن الحياة-
  "كيف/لماذا" .. طالما كانوا السبب-

.العُمر أثمن من أن نقامر به في ساحات الإنتظار-

 الموت يصحبه إفاقة من حولنا .. فبموتنا يحيا ما مات عند بعضهم .. و يفيق بعضهم .. و تستقبل الحياة بعضهم .. و يستعد بعضاً آخر للّحاق بنا

 في رأيي المتواضع .. الزمن هو أكثر علاج ذو فاعلية عرفته البشرية-

 فقدت كل الدوافع لأحيا فخلقت دوافع للموت عوضاً-

 تقبل قدر المستطاع .. حتى يتقبلك المستطاع-

 ًمفيش حاجة ببلاش .. أبدا-

الحياة هدية قدّسها ولا تهملها حتى .. لا تَهملك-

سكان الأرض

 إذا كُنا بقينا على فطرتنا التي خٌلقنا عليها لما كان بيننا أية إختلاف-

 أنت كان .. هو/هي في زمنٌ آخر .. أو في بعدٌ آخر-

 !الكل يظن إذاً الكل حاضر و موجود .. والكل ليس على يقين بأي شئ-

كُلكم تمارسون نفس الدور بشكلٍ أو بآخر-

والنبي لو ليك تار عند حد .. ماتخدوش مني أنا-

يُظهرون ما يريدوا أن يُظهروا لَك وعليك أن تكتشف الباقي بنفسك-

  دايماً واخدين موقف؟ .. الدُنيا مدتناش غير موقف عشان نخده .. نقولها لأ؟-

اعتدتُ على الفراق و الوداع حتى لم يعُدا يُدهشاني-

عَشمتونا .. وسِبتونا-

-حياتك قصة مؤلفة في أذهان الكثيرين .. ينتظروا منك تنفيذ فصُولها .. فصلاً فصلاً .. مشهدً-

مشهدً

 

 أُقٌف قدام المراية وتِف على نفسك يمكن ترتاح ههه .. أو تحِس على دمك؟-

:) .إبتسم فأنت .. حَيّ -

الحب♥

 الحُب هو مفتاح الحياة .. بس كوالينُه بتتغير كل شوية-

 الحُب ليس أعمى و لكنه يفتقد المنطق-

 الحُب هو سلسلة من الآلام و المعاناة اللذيذة  .. الحُب ليس هروب من الواقع بل تحدي للواقع-

 الحُب إما موجود أو غير موجود .. إذا وجد الشك حول وجوده .. بَطُل وجوده-

  لا مجال لوضع الحب، الإعجاب، العشرة، التعود، التشابه على قدم سواء فكلٌ مستقلاً بذاته خاصة الحُب-

يحبني و أحبه .. والحياةُ ترفضنا-

اعتدتٌ على غيابك الدائم حتى أني لم اعد أُمُانعه-

أتذكرك .. ثم لا ألبث أن أشعُر بالغثيان-

 الحُب هو أن يكون أنت و من تُحب الوحيدان القادران على محاورة بعضكما البعض بلغة لا يفهمها غيركما و لا يفُك ألغازها غيركما .. لُغة مميزة وراقية بطبيعتها و بطبيعة و فطرة من يتحدثونها .. لغة ذكية، سريعة البديهة و لا تحتاج لأية أحرف لتُكتَب .. هي لغة منفردة، غير مُبالية بما يجري حولها، لغة خجولة .. مبتكرة .. بما تحمله من عتاب ولوم وشوق  في بعض الأحيان وطمأنة و قسوة و قلة حيلة في أحيانٍ أخرى .. تلك النظرات التي تتبادلهما عيناكما في غفلات من حولكما .. لتصَرح بشئ أو تنهي شئ ..  لغة الصمت المتحدث.

يحُبها ويمنعه كبريائه من البوح .. هي تعلم و لكنها ليست على يقين فـ تنتظره-
 يمنعه كبريائه من البوح
 .. تنتظره
 يمنعه كبريائه من البوح
 .. تنتظره
 هي: لماذا أُحب رجلاً يمنعه كبريائه من البوح لي بحبه .. أي عُرفاً هذا؟! .. كم غبياً هو .. ليس جاداً ، يفتقد الجُرأة .. لايتقبل الرفض   تتبلد عواطفها، تثور وتقسو ..
 ..هو يشعر
 ..يستنتج
.. إذاً هي لا تُحِبَني
 .النهاية

 بعد زواج دام عشرُ سنوات و اكتشافها خيانته لها في الخمس سنوات الأخيرة و دُرة كانت تشاركها فيه طوال هذه المدة .. تسألت كيف من الممكن أن يتحوّل الإنسان إلى .. حيوان بشري؟

 هو على علم بُحبها الشديد له مهما حاولت هي جاهدة إخفائه .. وهو على يقين بعدم حبه لها مهما حاول هو أن يقنع نفسه بغير ذلك .. وليكن فهو غير عابئً بكل ذلك  .. هو فقط يتلذذ بهذا الشعور( أنه مرغوب) ويستمتع برفقتها و تدليلها له أيضاً.

 بعد قصة حُب دامت أربع سنوات .. الكل يتحدث عنها و يسعى للحذو بها .. اكتشفا فجأة انهما ليس على وفاق .. وكان الإكتشاف من نصيب ..؟

♥ .هي؟ .. دنيتُه-

لم يندم على تركه لها ولم يؤنبه ضميره حتى بعد كل توسلاتها بألا يتركها .. ومع ذلك لم يتملك نفسه من الشعور بالغضب و الضيق عندما رأها ذلك اليوم وهي في صُحبة رجلٌ آخر تتسوق و يده في يدها فرحة وعلى وجها تلك الإبتسامة الطفولية التي طالما احبها .. نعم هو لم يُحبها و لكنه أحبّ امتلاكها.

:') بعد أن أطفأ شموع كعكته احتفالاً بعيد ميلاده الستين و ارتفاع صيحات الفرح و تهنئة الكل له .. هو لازال يفتقدها-

 .♥لطالما كانت عيناها مرآةٌ جميلةٌ له .. فلم تَخذلهُ يوماً

مش كده؟

 إذا ما عرفت الأفضل ما كنت تندمت على الأسوأ .. وفي كل الأحوال لا تندم.

 الشك يقتُل، الحقيقة .. تُصيب.

 الصمت مُريح .. ومريبٌ في آنً واحد.

 خوفك المستمر من رحيل أو فقدان شئ سيسلبك فرحتك به .. فكلنا راحلون وإن تعددت واختلفت الوسائل والأسباب .. قدس ما تملك و لاتخف من ضياعه .. حتى لا تفوت عليك فكرة ضياعه فُرصة الاستمتاع به.

.المغفرة للغير هي مغفرة للنفس أولاً .. فأنت من تسبب في إحداث هذه الكارثة بالأساس.

يحتقرون الدنيا و لايحتقروا أنفسهم .. ينقدوا و يعيبوا على الغير ولا يعيبوا على أنفسهم .. يعرِفوا عن الغير أكثر مما يعرفوا عن أنفسهم .. يحلموا للغير و يتناسوا أنفسهم .. والغير يعيشون للغير وينسوا أنفسهم .. تباً للغير ولأنفسهم

 لطالما كانت القوة في "ضبط النفس.

 لا تنتظر الكمال و العدالة المطلقة من شيء ملئ بالثقوب و الثغرات .. لا تنتظر الكمال و العدالة المطلقة من شيء صانعه ومطبقه الإنسان .. يا عزيزي القانون نفسه ليس عادلاً ليطبق العدالة.

 الغرب سيظل الغرب و الشرق سيظل الشرق وأي محاولة للخلط بينهما ستنتج .. عجيناً.

يدعون أنك مجنون و يتهمونك بالتعقيد وأنت أول من يستمعوا أو يلجأوا إليه .. تباً للنفوس المريضة! 

طُز.. بتريّح.

 "والنبي نَقطنا بسُكاتك"

 عَرّف لي الديمقراطية و ضعها لي في مثالٌ حيّ

.أن تُطالب بتحقيق الديمقراطية في مجتمع لا يعي معناها و لا يدرك أهميتها هي كمحاولتك خلط الزيت بالماء.

.لما وجدت أية حروب أو مجاعات إذا كنا نفكر بالغير الضعيف أكثر من أنفُسنا.

 لطالما أمنت بأن هذا الكوكب يحكمه مجموعة من الحمقى أصحاب المصالح والأحلام الشخصية يسفكون الدماء و ينشرون الوهم ويدخلون بلادهم في حروب هم في غنى عنها و بالنهاية .. شعوبهم هم الضحايا.

لن يتساوى أبداً الحاكم بالمحكوم طالما نُحكم بتلك القوانين الوضعية.

 الشعب هو من يُحدد مصيره بالنهاية.

 العلم العلم .. المعرفة المعرفة.

- تذوب هموم الدنيا وتنزاح الغمم كلها في إبتسامة طفل. :)

- ما أجمل أن نعطي دون أن ننتظر مقابل.

- أجمل و أصدق حب هو من يدفعك إلى الأمام هو من يحثك على أن تكون أفضل مما أنت عليه.

أحياناً نحتاج كلنا أن نمرّ بفترة اللاشئ، نشعر بلاشئ، نفعل لاشئ .. حتى نتوصل لشئ أو نصبح شئ.

 الحب الصادق يحيي لا يميت.

المحُبان تماماً كالفراشات في إنجذابها للضوء  

 مصر = هي الحب اللامشروط

 مصر = يبقى عندَك شئ تحب تموت عشانه

Silence

She asked him with doubtful eyes: " You don't love me, Do you? "

He remained silent, she could see the moves of his lips but no words came out, He looked at her eyes deeply as if he wanted to tell her somethin that he couldn't say in words .. While lookin at her hopin that she may understand what he wanted to say, She was takin a deep look at every inch of his face that she has always admired, she was lookin at his narrow mean eyes, recallin every memory they once had together movin her eyes up to his dark short hair.

She kept wonderin & observin the fast move of his eyelashes when suddenly his eyes became teary, she didn't seem to understand what he wanted to say or in other words, she didn't want to believe it, She wondered are those tears out of guilt, pain or he was too helpless to explain ?, How badly she wished he would say something; anything, it would be much more easier & relievin than lettin her sinkin in her assumptions & doubts, She painfully asked herself " Don't I deserve at least an answer, a word, a goodbye ?" .. Her eyes started to be filled with tears too, the image of his face wasn't clear anymore; too many tears were rollin down her cheecks, every tear was takin away a part of her. She remembered how many times she assured him that she will always be beside him no matter what & that he is her & everythin else is just details & how he kept repeatin " You are my sun but I don't deserve you, I will never deserve you." Still, Sielnce was playin the greatest role, not even a word pentrated that bitter silence that seemed eternal. She wasn't intendin to say anythin, she was tryin to tell him through her eyes "Oh Love, please, say somethin" askin him through her teary eyes " Then why, why from the start?". She kept starin & admirin his pale face which was derived from any helpin expression, However. He was tryin to avoid her eye-contact, he had nothin to say, he had to be strong & cold hearted infornt of the only one who he had truly loved, She was lookin at him with a huge bitterness inside, his silence was tearin her apart into small tiny pieces ,She silently took a deep peaceful look at his face; She knew that it wouldl be her last time to see him; his silence said it all ..

She started to take a little steps backwards then slowly turned her back on him, she continued walkin away from him slowly feelin a bitterness she has never felt before, Her hands were tremblin so much, she wasn't even able to wipe her tears as if she lost control on every organ in her body, she was like a sleepin volcano which suddenly became active but wasn't able to explode, she wanted to scream out but she couldn't, she kept all that anger, bitterness & pain inside, tears were inevitably rollin down her eyes, she couldn't prevent them & that hurt her even more, she was in total mess & everything around her people, blocks, children everythin seemed to disappear, as if she is the only one who is livin on this rude planet, no sounds but the sounds of the cracks of her breakon heart, she was dyin inside, she kept walkin away, leavin all those beautiful dreams that would make sense no more; leavin her heart behind & the more steps she took, the more she felt a huge wall enlargin between him & her, she didn't even think of lookin back or runnin back into his arms blamin him or askin why or even slapin him on his face. she couldn't have done that anyway, no matter what she won't bear to hurt him, However. She was too proud, there was no use of makin herself sound like a fool again enough what he has just done to her, she knew that he is gone forever, she kept holdin her arms together huggin her self tightly hiddin her head between her arms .. she knew that she had to go on; half alive .. she had to do so as he had to ..

He .. He kept standin still in his place, didn't move an inch & she just kept goin on by .. goin on by as if she was on a train, till she disappeared from his sight, He felt as if his soul was gradually takin from him, He knew so well that she was irreplaceable, she was life in it's craziest way, she was sun in the utmost warmth on a very cold day, she was beauty in it's simplest elegant way, she was that beautiful smilin moon on the dark days, she was a mother in her kindest way, she was love in it's most passionate way, she was him in his most beautiful state, she was a child in his purest silliest way .. He remembered how they used to fight so hard & ended up laughing like crazy. He couldn't bear to see her tears, she rarely showed them to anyone even him, he knew how much she was proudful & preferred to keep everythin to herself. However, she looked at him with a silent beautiful smile ruined by the rollin tears that she tried to hold & hide but failed, he knew that she didn't want the last thing to remember of her to be tears, regret, anger, blame & so; walkin away silently from him, made him felt even worse, he wished that she had screamed or slapped him but she did nothing of that. She painfully wore her beautiful smile as if she was sayin "It's okay, Love".. He had to leave her, he was dyin inside too but couldn't help it! , he started to walk in the opposite direction, feelin way as much as she felt, He didn't want to be the only one she loved & the only one who broke her heart , he hated himself that he wished to die, go back & tell her .." No, I do, I do, I really do love you more than this whole world which will become a huge trash without your presence", But he didn't want to be selfish, he wanted the best for her, he didn't deserve her after all, it was impossible & no use to wait for him, he kept walkin away as if he was walkin away from life or lettin it go; wonderin how he loved her, still do & awlays will even more than life itself .. Oh god, how much emptiness he felt as if he is nothin, feelin nth, headin for nth; He no longer cared bout anythin ..

Minutes, Hours, Days, Months even years went by & .. He .. He .. never heard from her since that day ..

She was everythin to him, He was everythin to her

It seems that I can't let you go ..

I got used to your permanent absence that I no longer mind it. Still, Deep down inside, it does hurt, but I'll never admit it; The more it hurts the more I deny it; the more I insist on letting it go .. !

The Last Call

“You know what, I want you to be happy no matter what & be sure that I will always be beside
you supporting & protecting you, you will never be alone one day, I will always be there for you guiding & loving you ..
Promise me that you will be happy no matter what & be strong against this cruel world; I know you are strong .. I want you to be the flower that blossoms it’s kindness & beauty over this heartless world to make it more & more beautiful as you make everything around you looks & sounds
more beautiful, tender & secure ..
So Promise me ..
I smiled inside but I was worried as well; I asked him “ my dear , whh..y, why are you saying so?
Is everything okay ?
He didn’t reply & a moment of silence invaded ..
To break the silence I said in a funny way : Come on Sir , can’t You see,
you are acting so weirdly tonight, you sound so weird while talking that gently, but let’s admit it , there’s a huge improvement going out there ! .. Huuuh is it the magic of love ?
( then saying in a childish proud sarcastic tone ) uh, apparently you are falling deeper in love with me .. I warned you ; falling in love with me will never be that easy.

Firmly replying : “ ..... , JUST PROMISE ME ”

“ Uh, Well, I .. I promise you “
He then said: “ You need not to worry about anything, I love you & I’m so proud of you & even more proud to have you in my life, I’m the luckiest man on earth to have you in my life .. ”
****
Those were the last words I heard from him while talking to him & wandering why he was saying so,
I was so happy & over the moon; it was the first time to tell me “clearly & directly” “I love you” though he never said it to me clearly one day but I never had the need to hear it from him as I’ve always felt it,
but also deep down inside I wasn’t feeling well too, I didn’t try to show it , neither did he , I know him, he always speak little, I knew that there was something wrong & though I asked him many times
“why he was saying so ? .. ”
All I got was “Nothing I just felt the need to tell you so, Don’t you love me too ?” he asked
"You Meaaaaan ! " & then I stuttered & couldn’t reply .. He has always understood me ..
I never needed to justify anything I do or say.
He laughed & then kindly said :
“ Childish you .. , it’s okay, it's okay .. huuuh, I know how much you do hate me, Don't you ? “
“Ahem, Well I am not a child :P “
Laughing & replying ” You stubborn, Okay okay we don’t have to get into this .. “
We laughed so hard that night & then said goodnight & right before we hung up he said :
“Don’t forget to say prayers for me” ..
“Sure, I won’t my dear, You’d do the same huh ? .. ”
“Sure I’d, my proud stubborn angel” He then called my name : .....
I replied : “Yes dear … “
Passionately mixed with a sad tone he said : “ I love you ” ..
he waited few seconds till he heard me smiling inside; he knew that I’m too shy & reserved to declare such a feeling & say such a passionate risky word, he smiled deeply too & said goodbye my love ; we hung up.
For some reason I felt so warm, peaceful but worried at the same time it was as if he was letting me go ..
I convinced myself that It may be just a naïve stupid feeling. However, The next morning I woke up suddenly with a very killing pain in my heart a more close to a heart attack one, to find his mom calling me saying with a steady tone that he is in the place he deserved to be in. I couldn’t get it at first & for long time indeed,
I kept calling him again & again that morning with a huge insistence that he would reply .. , but I never got an answer ..

Yea, He was too good to be a part of this foolish world, I was the lucky one to have him in my life, He was the greatest gift, He was my protector, my biggest fan, my everything .. He always knew how to bring out the best in me.

He .. He was the best part of me & always will. However, He left; leaving me alone, facing many without him, keeping his love in my heart & since that memorable day as all days , months & even years became all same for me; I never stopped saying prayers for him nor stopped saying goodnight to him every night before I close my eyes & memorize his face & his words ..
I miss him so much & I can’t help it ! , I miss everything about us & can never fall in love with anyone again but him, & how could I ?! ;

He is always with me, he’s always within me . He was my first true pure young love. I’m still here, only because I promised him; he wanted me to be happy, safe & secure but without him there is no such a thing in life; everything is tasteless probably meaningless ..


I .. I was the last one he talked to that night & he was the the first, the last & the only man who has conquered my heart & the only one I was able to fall in love with .. I’ll keep his love in my heart till we
meet again & tell him that I do love him too & that my life without him was a waste of time, I won’t let my shyness & my stupid childish pride prevent me this time ..

& This when .. when our forever starts .. :)

غموضي

أنا مش ساذجة ولا عبيطة

و سكوتي معرفش ليه مسبب ريبة

الناس كلها مستغربة و متعرفش أزاي تبقي مني قريبة

مع أني لا باكل و لابعض

و يدوب حتي بفك الخط

خط الدنيا مش خط اليد

لكن رغم كل شئ بقدر أحس بكل حرف و كل نقطة بتترسم ع السطر

و أقدر كمان أحفظ ملامح كل كلمة و كل شخص

حتي لو مرة صدفة قابلته علطول اللغز يتفك

شقية يمكن بس بسيطة لأبعد حد

وكمان بحب الحرية زي أسمي و بحب أعد النجوم و دايماً بنسي الوقت

و بحب أوي شكل البحر في هدوءه

و يا سلام ف مركب تمشي بيا علي موجه

و أبص منها ع الطيور في وقت شروق الكون و غروبه

و لما يجي الليل يليل بحب أشوف ضحكة القمر

ونجمة كده جمعني في يوم بيها القدر

أما عن ادعاء الهدوء و السكون ف دي فلسفة فارغة

المفروض ما يخدش ف باله منها حد

سائق التاكسي

حوار دار بيني وبين سائق التاكسي نظرا لفضا الشوارع اللي كنا بنعاني منه لحوالي ساعة كاملة

  

***

  سائق التاكسي : والله حرام اللي إحنا فيه ده هي البلد فيها إيه؟؟! ، آااه .. تلاقي فيه وزير بيعدي ولا حاجة ، إمبارح برضه كانت كده ! والله ده يمكن النهارده كمان أروق ، نعمل إيه بس ؟!
أنا : هي البلد كل يوم كده هي زحمة علطول من غير تعدية وزير ولا حاجة كل فرد معاه عربية وكلهم بيخروجوا بيها أكيد ، قال البلد ناقصة عربيات مثلا من كتر ما الشوارع فاضية !
سائق التاكسي : والله يا أنسة لا بقينا عارفين ناكل ولا نلبس ولا نعيش ولا حتي نمشي في الشارع  ، بحس إنهم بيسألوا نفسهم إيه الممكن ننكد بيه عالشعب ويعملوه! زهقنا خلاص! طيب والله أنا بفكر اسيبها خالص باللي فيها بس الواحد يروح فين , الواحد مثلا ممكن يروح الارياف بقى ، أهو يعمله مشروع ولا حاجة وأهو يشغل بيه الناس .اللي هناك
 أنا : ماهو كده كده هتبقى محتاج على الأقل راس مال ولازم هتنزل القاهرة عشان مفيش وسائل تساعدك هناك ولا هو استجمام يعني هههه؟!
 سائق التاكسي : استجمام .. هههه ! والله الناس بقت ماشيه تكلم نفسها في الشارع مش عارفة تعمل إيه؟ إلا صحيح بيقولوا إن البرادعي هيمسك الحكم

أنا : أهوه كلام ..
سائق التاكسي : أنا قلت أأقدم على هجرة أهو اروح اشتغل في أي دولة عربية وخلاص وزيي ماتيجي تيجي أنا وحظي , لو هم قاعدين اسيبهالهم أنا بقى ! يمكن أنا  اللي عامل المشكلة ! الواحد بقى عايش في طاحونة  وياريته عاجب ولا حتي نافع ..
أنا : والله لو تقدر تسافر سافر خلينا واقعين .. ( وبما إن الطريق لسه فاضله كمان ساعة عشان نوصل ) قررت إني اكمل الباقي مشي عشان لا محاله هتأخر ساعة في سبيل طريق مايخدش 10دقائق
  سائق التاكسي : معلش والله أنا آسف وجعت دماغك

 ! أنا : لا عادي الناس كلها تعبانة

وعشان الناس ال بيعدوا بالمدرعات بتعتهم  خدتها أنا مشي واتأخرت ساعة كمان .. يلا كله محصل بعضه .. سلامه عليكم

A discussion with my youngest brother

-We were sitting in the kitchen having our launch when he started

-Selim : "Sarah,Why always people have to lie to each other?"

-Me: You've just said why they have to, right ?

-Selim: Yes i did.

-Me: people always have to lie to each other .. umm,maybe cos they are no longer honest with themselves, they often lie to themselves pretending that everything is fine & okay and that they are without a doubt good people making sacrifices and doing great things for the people around them.

-Selim: But they know that those people are hippocrates and deceiving, why do they believe those hippocrates who lie to them and refuse to believe honest people.

-Me: Selim people always love others to tell them that they are great .. who doesn't want to be praised ?!

-Selim: Aha .. We are livin in a fake society,aren't we ?

-Me: Yes, we are. Unfortunately dear ..

-Me: You know, I guess now I do understand why we have reached this point of anarchy .. It's because everyone is lying to the other, no one is tellin the truth, we are no longer honest with ourselves, we lost the other true part of us,we became unreal.

-Selim: How Sarah?

-Me: Well, people kill, lie, cheat, step their beloved ones in their backs and desert their lovers, they do many bad things indeed and they don't feel any guilt or any feelin of regret

I guess it's the absence of Conscience. Humanity became so cheap probably priceless .. It's so complicated ! it's just we are livin in a world of fools, everyone is deceivin and lying for the sake of achieving silly dreams like owning the best car .. etc. It's so silly for spending most of your lifetime in order to reach this valueless & timed pleasured goals.

-Selim: Ummmm, "he stopped eatin" and he began to wander and then asked : "Sarah, Do i have to lie like those people in order to reach my goals?"

-Me: Smiling to his innocent face & looking him in the eyes and then i answered "You can never be forced on doing something you don't want to do or following something against your morals, besides, you are bigger than these silly dreams & these ways of achieving them .. I thought your goals included changing the world & the society we are living in, in order to make it a better place & with such a great leader people will never have to lie.

-Selim: Smiling to me and saying .. ah! Do you think I'm capable of leading people & changing this foolish world ?

-Me: Sure, you are. Besides if it's not you then who it would be?

-Selim: I love you sister.

-Me: I love you too my little angel

-Selim : (wandering then he declared) " You know what, I'm gonna make you my assistant in the future"

-Me: Haha, it would be an honor to me .

-At some point I realized that Humans are always humans even Selim my ten years old brother. =)!

Nostalgia --> الحنين

A simple, free, mindful blog where you can somehow find a little peace in it ..
As we grow older & older we find more & more restrictions are put on us .. Those simple childish dreams, thoughts & actions aren't quite available anymore, But still inside everyone of us there's a beautiful & a dreaming child looking forward to the future wishing to growp up so fast to be what he always dreamt to be ..
You can feel that childish thingie in every person you meet .. You may find it in someone's smile in someone's way of talking or even the way someone's eat or the way he walks or plays .. etc.
Inisde everyone of us there's a child lying there ..
And obviously we now see that the world is going kinda crazy .. Restrictions everywhere, Wars in Iraq, Palestine & Afghanistan  Starving people in Africa, Nuclear weapons, Insecurity, Hand made diseases, Disasters .. etc.

It's like there's not enough time for anyone to enjoy a moment of silence & peace ..
Although we aren't going through wars & stuff .. But still we miss freedom .. Freedom of mind , Freedom of Expressing, Freedom of dreaming, Freedom of loving, Freedom of being what we exactly want to be , Freedom of worship, Freedom of being the real us not faking ourselves for the sake of others, Freedom of being free or not ..
At some point that we are actually about to reach ..There will come a day .. that you'll look at yourself in the mirror & say I miss you ! .. Yea, You'll miss being that simple you ..

So just want you always to remember that, "The tragedy of life is not what we lose, but actually what we mmis".. =) !