“You know what, I want you to be happy no matter what & be sure that I will always be beside
you supporting & protecting you, you will never be alone one day, I will always be there for you guiding & loving you ..
Promise me that you will be happy no matter what & be strong against this cruel world; I know you are strong .. I want you to be the flower that blossoms it’s kindness & beauty over this heartless world to make it more & more beautiful as you make everything around you looks & sounds
more beautiful, tender & secure ..
So Promise me ..
I smiled inside but I was worried as well; I asked him “ my dear , whh..y, why are you saying so?
Is everything okay ?
He didn’t reply & a moment of silence invaded ..
To break the silence I said in a funny way : Come on Sir , can’t You see,
you are acting so weirdly tonight, you sound so weird while talking that gently, but let’s admit it , there’s a huge improvement going out there ! .. Huuuh is it the magic of love ?
( then saying in a childish proud sarcastic tone ) uh, apparently you are falling deeper in love with me .. I warned you ; falling in love with me will never be that easy.
Firmly replying : “ ..... , JUST PROMISE ME ”
“ Uh, Well, I .. I promise you “
He then said: “ You need not to worry about anything, I love you & I’m so proud of you & even more proud to have you in my life, I’m the luckiest man on earth to have you in my life .. ”
****
Those were the last words I heard from him while talking to him & wandering why he was saying so,
I was so happy & over the moon; it was the first time to tell me “clearly & directly” “I love you” though he never said it to me clearly one day but I never had the need to hear it from him as I’ve always felt it,
but also deep down inside I wasn’t feeling well too, I didn’t try to show it , neither did he , I know him, he always speak little, I knew that there was something wrong & though I asked him many times
“why he was saying so ? .. ”
All I got was “Nothing I just felt the need to tell you so, Don’t you love me too ?” he asked
"You Meaaaaan ! " & then I stuttered & couldn’t reply .. He has always understood me ..
I never needed to justify anything I do or say.
He laughed & then kindly said :
“ Childish you .. , it’s okay, it's okay .. huuuh, I know how much you do hate me, Don't you ? “
“Ahem, Well I am not a child :P “
Laughing & replying ” You stubborn, Okay okay we don’t have to get into this .. “
We laughed so hard that night & then said goodnight & right before we hung up he said :
“Don’t forget to say prayers for me” ..
“Sure, I won’t my dear, You’d do the same huh ? .. ”
“Sure I’d, my proud stubborn angel” He then called my name : .....
I replied : “Yes dear … “
Passionately mixed with a sad tone he said : “ I love you ” ..
he waited few seconds till he heard me smiling inside; he knew that I’m too shy & reserved to declare such a feeling & say such a passionate risky word, he smiled deeply too & said goodbye my love ; we hung up.
For some reason I felt so warm, peaceful but worried at the same time it was as if he was letting me go ..
I convinced myself that It may be just a naïve stupid feeling. However, The next morning I woke up suddenly with a very killing pain in my heart a more close to a heart attack one, to find his mom calling me saying with a steady tone that he is in the place he deserved to be in. I couldn’t get it at first & for long time indeed,
I kept calling him again & again that morning with a huge insistence that he would reply .. , but I never got an answer ..
Yea, He was too good to be a part of this foolish world, I was the lucky one to have him in my life, He was the greatest gift, He was my protector, my biggest fan, my everything .. He always knew how to bring out the best in me.
He .. He was the best part of me & always will. However, He left; leaving me alone, facing many without him, keeping his love in my heart & since that memorable day as all days , months & even years became all same for me; I never stopped saying prayers for him nor stopped saying goodnight to him every night before I close my eyes & memorize his face & his words ..
I miss him so much & I can’t help it ! , I miss everything about us & can never fall in love with anyone again but him, & how could I ?! ;
He is always with me, he’s always within me . He was my first true pure young love. I’m still here, only because I promised him; he wanted me to be happy, safe & secure but without him there is no such a thing in life; everything is tasteless probably meaningless ..
I .. I was the last one he talked to that night & he was the the first, the last & the only man who has conquered my heart & the only one I was able to fall in love with .. I’ll keep his love in my heart till we
meet again & tell him that I do love him too & that my life without him was a waste of time, I won’t let my shyness & my stupid childish pride prevent me this time ..
& This when .. when our forever starts .. :)
