- She was headin' slowly towards her favourite cozy corner at the end of the room, the weather was gentle on that day; she walked into her purplish room- she has always believed that purple brings back childhood memories; she felt certain that purple does keep people young; a light breeze was blowin'; a gentle one tickled her face. Her creamy dress & her black hair were swayin' with the movement of the air ..;
She breathed deeply drawin' in the fresh air; starrin' in bewilderment; she leaned down & sat in her favourite cozy corner under the window .. She was sittin' where the rays of the sun comin' through the window; reflected their golden color on her shiny black hair & her rosy cheeks ..
- She was thinkin' deeply; many things goin' on her mind & even more things goin' on inside her ..
She was longin' for that thing that she has always been missin'; the thing that she couldn't even know what actually it was; however, there was always that missin' thingie that prevented her to feel complete..
- She always had her simple dreams that she kept for herself. She loved life & it's challenges & was very satisfied with whatever it may bring; She was very spontaneous to treat life as a chemical equation & was so stubborn to go back on somethin' she had already made a decision about; she stick to her decisions like glue ..
She has always believed that life is truly simple if people were ready to see it that way & thought that people are the most complicated part of life, it may have been much more easier if it had been without them, but would it have been the same?! She knew that life ain't ideal too & it's always surprisin '.. - She was thinkin' & thinkin' .. admirin' the movements of the golden silky curtains & how the air pulls them back & forth & how they were surrenderin' to it's force ; they didn't fight it back .. they were too helpless allowin' the air to move them in any direction he desired, maybe they were enjoyin' to be led or maybe they couldn't resist it .. what a power the air has!
Many thoughts were goin' on her mind that kept interruptin' her every second whisperin': "what if the whole thing turned out to be wrong?" but the funny thing that; she didn't even mind not knowin' what she was headin' for or getting' hurt or even bein' wrong ..; she was enjoyin' those new sincere feelings so much that she wasn't even bothered about such fears, still the battles between her mind & her heart were takin' place; she has always believed that fate & coincidences play the greatest role in life. - The first time she saw him was in a friend gathering, she was impressed by his few confident words that ended the whole topic- they had been discussin for like an hour- in just 2 min.s, she concluded that he talks little & prefers to listen more. For her it was so obvious that he was too stubborn, very smart, proud, sharp & yes shy somehow Lol!, Concernin' his look nothin' was special bout it, he was in his mid- twenties, short dark brown hair, dark eyes, medium height. He had that beautiful shy childish smile that never left his face though his facial expressions were very serious . She believed that behind that serious look & that shy smile there's a child lyin over there & a very kind person maybe even a romantic one who is waitin to truly love & be loved back. They have met many times later after that gatherin, they exchanged phone no.s but she never .. .. & he actually never .. .. ..
She only saw him few times yet whenever she was away from him she felt that there was somethin' wrong .. While she was sinkin' into her thoughts & doubts, she heard a loud voice comin' from a place that's not so far ..; yet the words weren't clear; it seemed like a serious discussion, she concentrated more tryin' to figure out where the voices were comin' from; she heard her name bein' called!; .. the voices were comin' .. from .. from .. inside her .. words are clear now;
Mind: Ohh, Dear! C'mon This is an absolute illusion. What are the use of those abstract feelings? You will end up getting' hurt & grieve for nothing & you may regret it later on; this is a waste of time. Let me decide for you please.
Heart: Don't listen to this stubborn creature!. He is so wrong; never let him decide when it comes to me. Your heart is the only thing that belongs to you; here is where the truth lies, you don't have to hide your feelings; you can't ignore them either, Can you? Don't fight love back & never take it for granted. Never let him tell you; you can't be in love.
Mind: Oh, evil me. So now I'm the one who's breakin' "the lady's hearts", aren't I?
Dear, dreamy Ma'm, Stop makin' her live in such fantasy, If she followed me she will never get hurt & success will always be her only alley she will have no one to cry for besides, tell me what love has done so far till now?
Heart: What the hell is occypyin' your thoughts?! I'm sure she will find her way; one is never Reluctant when he is in love. & What has it done? .. Love never leaves us empty handed, we never lose when we are in love & the gaining's of bein' in love can never be calculated. It's the most precious valuable thing yet the most priceless. Besides; happiness lies in the journey itself. It's not a game that she has to win.
Mind: (quite surprised) Ma'm such tricks won't work on me .. (Sarcastically sayin') As if love is the one who built this whole world, built those nations & went through wars? Stop bein' ridiculous & naïve.
Heart: You never learn anything worth knowing. Do you? Love can make up for a lot & Well, maybe it didn't build those buildings in personal but it participated in bulidin' this life by bein' a motive to build to fight to defend even to live. It gives you a reason to live & makes this journey worth it. Worshipin' is a kind of love, passion is a kind of love, carin' is a kind of love. Do you really think life would have been the same without it?..
Mind: (bein' so persistent & stubborn to admit it) one more time, your sweet fancy dreams .. Words are easy; but they don't make dreams come true! Do they? .. Be realistic, 'Heart'. You will be the reason for her pain & all of this for the sake of a fantasy that will never last. I know what's good for her.
Heart: Why are you bein' so persistent? I smell bitterness in your words & how do you know what's good for her Mr. all known? She is like havin' it all yet havin' nothin' .. & C'mon without me, no one would have existed. Adam & Eve loved each other & here we are. Do you think I beat only for pumpin' blood all over the body? If I hadn't been there; good wouldn't have existed, patience, sincerity, loyalty, kindness & peace too. I'm the tears, I'm the joy, I'm the dreams that you work hard to put them into reality .. Everythin' good lies within me. .. I'm here for good & I'm not responsible for fate's actions & picks, however one doesn't get everythin', one shouldn't get everythin & doesn't have to get everythin' Pain & loss are a normal tax that we all have to pay as long as we are livin', You can never avoid them through a special tactic or even prevent them to occur, Can you? what are you protectin' her from? Happiness? I'm not really sure if you are refusin' the idea of love or refusin him in particular
Mind: (statured) I'm just bein' realistic. Anythin' that may hurt her isn't good for her ..
I put things into reality, but you are the sweet fantasy that achieves nothin', aren't you?
& I'm refusing pain as well, if pain is to come then we shouldn't hurry it by rushin' into love.
Heart: Rushin' into love won't put you through pain. It revives what can be dyin' inside you it's like grantin' you an extra life .. Besides love is never that demandin'
Maybe we all weren't meant to be rich or to be special, but bein' in love makes you rich, makes you special.
It changes everythin', doesn't it? What if you let love pass her by, Wouldn't that be a great loss? Do you guarantee her a better future than bein' with whom she loves?
Mind: (he remained silent, then replied ) ... You are destroyin' the real barrier between reality & fantasy.
let her suffer then & live in doubts & a great fantasy & future that exists Only In Her Mind; she will lose herself eventually. Tell me, Weren't you the reason for getting her hurt before. (proudly sayin) Thanks to you, now she listens to me. Don't throw her into hell by promising her of what you can't afford. I don't want her to be a part of game "I love you then suddenly goodbye". I don't want her to be forsaken & lost.
Heart: You know what! I'm stupid why am I even convincing you with somethin' you don't even believe in!
You will never change. You fears will never let you move an inch from your place. You are the reason for her confusion. Set her free. Set yourself free from those imaginary restrictions. This is a very heavy load for her to caryy
Buildin' a wall between her & whom she loves won't protect her from pain & loss & abandon; the only thing that will abandon her is love & happiness themselves. Bein' always afraid to get hurt is way worse than bein in a real pain itself. Why am I even convicin' someone he's too arrogant to admit the truth!
Mind: (He was surprised then replied) .. Me?.. No, no .. I'm not, why would I be?.. I'm tryin' to be realistic. (lowerin his voice) .. Not everyone can afford bein' that dreamy, Heart .. Not everyone can afford love.
Heart: But you can afford loneliness, can't you?
Mind: ( realizin' that his words were tough, he didn't want to hurt her; he doesn't have the heart to, cuz .. .. replyin in a serious gentle tone) .. I don't want to lose you.
Heart: (surprised) .. & how would you lose me?
Mind: We both know that when love takes over, it prevails .. it weakens me & every action or decision becomes yours to make. I lose some of powers .. I'm not fearin' this for sure. What I truly do fear that this love may break you & if that happened you will fade away & I'll be too helpless to do anythin' to stop that. The body will remain, I will remain but you are her soul .. I can't .. I can't afford your loss. .. you know if I let her do this what would I be riskin with?
Heart: (smilin' deeply as if she found her way after a long seek; then replied) .. This is my role in life 'Mind'. I don't give up on the people that I'm responsible for. (her eyes started to be clouded with happy tears ) I was made to give even when I'm deprived of everythin'. I was made to sacrifice & soon I will recover & be okay. Yea it may take a year or two but I will be okay eventually.
Mind: (realizin' what she was tryin' to do .. ) Do you think this is funny? .. You are irreplaceable.
Heart: Am I ? wasn't your fav. word : "Time walks on everythin' " .. maybe by time you will forget me.
Mind:
No. not if you are that true. Not if you are a fact. Time never walks on facts. Does it?
( rememorizin' her words & reconsiderin 'em askin' himself "what the hell am I waitin' for?" then without hesitatin .. 'Heart' .. I .. I love you.
Heart: ( how long she has waited to hear this world) .. she replied .. with a fake mean tone .. STUPID!
Mind: Yea, I know .. Love makes a fool out of you. Doesn't it? I didn't want to ask the question cuz I knew that it would ruin my life. See what was I tryin' to protect her from.
Heart: "Stupid" I just thought you would never say it.
Mind: ( not knowin if she's playin him for a fool with her childish tricks or bein' serious not sure of her answer still he was over the moon .. ) replyin'.. I was afraid that I might not be good enough for you. You are too good for anyone. (smilin'& in sarcastic tone) Rejection wouldn't have been that easy though. I was afraid of losin' you 'Heart' ..
Heart: (smilin' .. ) ..
Mind: So .. is this an approval or .. you ..? do you lo? .. Do you feel like sayin somethin'? Heart: (smilin' tryin to be mean) I think I'll have to ask my mind first. He always know the shortest way to anythin' & I'm sure he'll know how to save me from hurt, pain, volcanoes erruptions .. you know .., won't he?
Mind: (Happy & relieved as never before, realizin' how beautiful childish she is .. couldn't even say a word askin himself
how can I amend her for all that wasted time? )
Heart: (in a proud tone) I've always thought that we complete each other, don't we?
Mind: Of course We do. Then sayin' in a very high steady joyful tone:
"Listen to your heart, follow her. She will lead you to happiness, Just keep in mind that I'm there if you ever need me"
..
- "The endless fights between heart & mind; however sometimes fights can be a deep indication for a great love .. " that's what she said to herself .. .. - Suddenly her phone rang. She woke up found herself lyin' in the same place & the same position she took. She checked the phone .. It's him .. .. It's him. She picked it up ..
She: Hey ..
He: (silent for moments) then in a very deep true tone without hesitation " I .. I love you".
She was lost for words but he must have felt her approval in her tone
They talked & talked, silence was takin' place though - as when people are too in love they are always lost for words, the greatness they feel in love can never be put into words .. for great the love is words feel helpless to describe it .. words kill love - they hanged up ..
- She kept askin' herself if those fights & that considerable discussion she was listenin' to few hours ago .. was true or not .. telling herself sarcastically that love might granted her a special gift or something, if she could listen to her heart & her mind talks, who knows maybe she will be able to talk with the wind or the curtains someday Lol .. ..
Date: 30/03/2011.
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